Let's Become Empty Nesters in a Pandemic!



"You sent your only child off to college in the middle of a pandemic?!" 

This is one of the questions/comments/insinuated looks I've gotten from people in the past few weeks, as no doubt many of you with college kids have, too. 

Those of us with kids in college, especially who have become new empty nesters in a pandemic, have a different perspective. 

For one, we know that our kids are likely to be more protected on campus than running around their hometown. My daughter is smart and responsible, but she can be swayed by peer pressure to not wear a mask or social distance. At school, they are required to wear masks inside and out on campus, and she is living on campus where there are lots of restrictions due to COVID-19 (and frequent cleaning!) 

Most classes are online, but the ones that are in person take many precautions (I would post a photo of my daughter in the ridiculously large "singing" mask that they are required to wear in her vocal class but I won't embarrass her). Most campus events are virtual, but the ones that are in-person take precautions, such as the convocation that took place on the huge outdoor grassy mall with circles drawn socially distant for roommate groups to sit in, wearing their masks, with limited participants. Or the drive-in movie that was held at the stadium. 

Many schools required COVID-19 tests as students moved in to campus housing that helped nip the spread in the bud. My daughter's school found 159 positive students out of more than 5,000 moving on campus for a 2.8% positivity rate, a very manageable rate to slow the spread. I have an issue with those schools that didn't require testing, including my alma mater, which now has an explosion of cases a week after move-in and a county positivity rate of 44%! 

Other non-college parents said, "Why doesn't she take a gap year?" And do what, I ask? Gap years are to explore or do something productive. Travel, volunteer, work in your desired field. None of these is any safer than going to college, and the options are extremely limited during the pandemic. I'd rather she spend the time right now taking classes, even if it was from her room at home.

But one of the biggest reasons most of us have sent our freshmen off to college this fall in a pandemic is that it is time. It is time for them to be on their own. It is time for them to fly. They dealt with tremendous disappointment at the end of their senior year of high school, missing graduations, proms, senior breakfasts, senior skip day, Grad Bash field trips and on and on. We were not going to deny them the start of college, especially because the pandemic is everywhere - that's the root of the word - whether we keep them home or send them off.

I don't begrudge anyone who has kept their student home. That is absolutely fine by me. I hope no one begrudges me for sending my student off. 

As for starting life as an empty nester in a pandemic? Not what I pictured, either. The first blow to me was not being able to have the graduation party for my daughter that I had looked forward to from the day we moved into our house her freshman year of high school. Once she was gone, I was looking forward to getting together with friends more often, having people over, traveling to exotic places. 

Instead, my husband and I are working from home remotely, not inviting friends over and we're driving six hours to North Carolina for vacation. No, not what I pictured. However, the exciting part is as empty nesters we can finally take a full vacation in the fall away from our Florida home to remind ourselves, native Midwesterners, how wonderful the season can be. We haven't been able to do that together in at least 13 years.

Hey! I just got a text from my daughter that she and her roommates are off campus playing mini golf. They are required to wear masks and she brought hand sanitizer with her. She is already flying.





 

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